She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
