Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
