I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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