chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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