This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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