You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
