Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
