Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Ladies don't puke and tell
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
