the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
