Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
