i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
