I need help removing her.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
