At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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