you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
