Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
