She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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