I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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