I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just threw up on my dentist
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
a search helicopter?!
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
