Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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