I think my vagina is haunted
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
