Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
