"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
