Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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