My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
