Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
