Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
