the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize