He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
