i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
