3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
