i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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