Where are you?
In a non slutty way
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
