Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
