Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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