There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
