Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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