anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
We have started to decorate penises.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
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