Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
