i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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