If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
handjob tips. give me some.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
