I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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