I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
