he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
