Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
