The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
