I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Randomize
