Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
