Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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