at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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