yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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