Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
