My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
