My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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