I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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