As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize