I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
