You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
