belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
My cat gives me a boner
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
