dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
NoShamevember. You game?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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