sarcasm needs its own font
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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