obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize