I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
i think i just lost a toe
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
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