When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Randomize
