Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
