this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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