Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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