hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
