ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
