If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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