He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
